6-17-2026
I'm making a post on my blog about an event from my personal life that I don't especially want to be seen as a whole big thing - that is, I don't want to turn it into a source of drama or talk more about it than necessary - but that I do feel is important for me to document on Neocities, just so I can have some kind of digital object to point to and go "that's what happened".

On February 12, 2023, I got together with the person who used to be my queerplatonic partner system and who I will not be naming in this post. On June 15, 2026, I broke up with them after realizing they were neglectful and unsafe to bring conflict to.

I did this by way of some messages I sent while they were taking a nap after blowing up at me for saying I wanted to date someone from my partner server (which they said they were fine with me making). I did not break up with them directly because, in the past, they have been an unsafe and unpredictable person to bring conflict to, or to even let them in on the fact that I was less than satisfied with things, as evidenced by how they got angry with me for making a post on social media where I lamented that I didn't get enough support, which they must have taken as a vague about them despite the post mostly being about IRL.

A few hours after I did this, I got a notification that they had banned me from a server they ran that I had forgotten about. In their message, they said I had broken a promise to them and that "there was no need" for me to do so. I genuinely don't remember what promise it was. I assume I must have promised that I wouldn't abandon them or leave without a conversation. I don't really remember, and I hope, if they're reading this, they have as much sympathy for my memory problems as they expected me and others to have for theirs.

However, it was from this partner that I learned that all things have exceptions, no matter what. I used to believe that there were certain things I had to be rigid about and never budge on, but they disagreed with this belief and wanted me to think more flexibly. As a result, I believe that keeping promises also has exceptions. If it is unsafe to keep a promise to you, then the people who made that promise are under no obligation to keep it to you.

In their message where they banned me, they also said they thought we were "no longer compatible" and were going to try to have a conversation with me about it before I did what I did. In some respects, I was simply returning the energy I was given.

I am not proud of how I did it, but my therapist supports what I did, including my method, and I would not have done this under normal circumstances - that's another thing they said, "you could have broken up with me normally" - but having a longtime partner who is unsafe to bring any conflict to and who neglects you to play video games all day is not a "normal" situation.

I had tried to bring it up with this ex that I had wanted them to spend more time with me, but they always insisted that they absolutely had to spend their time playing video games and sleeping because it was part of how they emotionally self-regulated, and they never made any kind of compromises for me at all. I stopped bringing it up and just tried to accept that I wasn't as interesting to them as their video games were and just tried to accept that our interests were changing.

There is a lot more that I could say, but I'm not going to, because I don't want to air all my grievances with them in public. However, I wanted there to be some amount of public record of this and an explanation of why I did what I did, because I am currently looking for more partners/partner systems, and I can understand it could be very jarring for them to hear that I suddenly broke up with a longtime partner. They might very reasonably wonder why I did that, and they also deserve to know that I have such bad memory issues that I can forget a promise, and that, if they don't treat me in a safe way, I might break my promises to protect myself.

If anyone who shares a space with me would like more elaboration on this, I'm happy to answer questions privately, especially if the context has anything to do with how these events might affect my relationship with you. Otherwise, I'm going to try not to worry about this all too much and just focus on living my life without a toxic best friend anymore.